So I'm a total loser and curled up on the couch at 7am and slept another 2 1/2 hours. I dragged ass to get housework done but eventually it got there.
I had some lunch before completing my workout but I got it in. I sweat a little today too. Slowly but surely I'll work up to where I used to be...little by little. Every bead of sweat, every pound shed is another step closer to motherhood!
We had such an awesome supper tonight....Jen's lemon pepper haddock, roasted squash and steamed broccoli. It was so good, so healthy and easy to make. I was on such a high after supper because I felt I had just eaten the most healthy meal. I was so proud of us. Then I caught the end of the evening news...talking about the obesity in America. I thought "Oh God, that's me...I'm one of those 35%...I'm a statistic." I don't want to be a statistic...I want to be a mom. I felt so sorry for the 16 year old who had already dropped 50 lbs but still weighed over 400lbs. In that 400lb girl, I saw Jen A...she's just 30 or so pounds away from that...but, I'm not suppose to worry about her....it's our year...our year to be parents.
I'm still worried about Jen. The bullshit is piling up and it's wearing her down. We had a tense moment because I'm trying to get her to open up and admit she's not just tired. I forget sometimes I can't pry...I just need to let her talk on her time. I love her so much...I want my baby back. She did open up a little bit as Ann was texting her...what a fucked up mess with Todd throwing her under the bus. On a happy note, she did say that she had to change her password at work today...let's just say that being parents is on her mind as much as it is mine!!!
Tomorrow I need to work on a letter to Dr. Davis. A lot of what he said in the meeting yesterday made sense. I'm so on the fence about my job...I want to stay, but I have to do what's right for my family. Then I think if I talk to him, maybe things will change for me next year, but what if they don't? And if I leave, will that be the end of music in Milford? I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I ended a program. That's why I need to write and edit and write and edit before I send it but I need to reach out. He needs to know I care.
Whitney....out!
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Challenge of the Day
Today is my day off...you know what that means...home alone! I must stay away from the kitchen. I have a lot to keep me busy, I just can't overeat!
I read a Facebook friend's status that said she was going to replace one bad thing with one good thing every day. I don't know that I have "bad things" to give up, I'm just trying to make positive changes.
I slipped a little yesterday but not bad. In the afternoon, I was starving at school while sticking around for my meeting. I remembered the candy in the closet. 210 calories for 5 pieces...I had 2 pieces...just enough to satisfy that urge. Jen asked what we were having for supper. I grabbed a box of lean pockets, but I told her we could have pizza and she didn't have to wait for me. I ate both pockets around 5pm and when I got home at 7:15, there on the table was a salad! Yay! That worked in my favor.
Yesterday I also psyched myself into thinking I've already lost weight. My pants seemed to button with little effort...I think it's all in my mind because it'd only been 3 days. I just try to keep in mind that I'm doing this all for a baby.
Day 4....away we go!
I read a Facebook friend's status that said she was going to replace one bad thing with one good thing every day. I don't know that I have "bad things" to give up, I'm just trying to make positive changes.
I slipped a little yesterday but not bad. In the afternoon, I was starving at school while sticking around for my meeting. I remembered the candy in the closet. 210 calories for 5 pieces...I had 2 pieces...just enough to satisfy that urge. Jen asked what we were having for supper. I grabbed a box of lean pockets, but I told her we could have pizza and she didn't have to wait for me. I ate both pockets around 5pm and when I got home at 7:15, there on the table was a salad! Yay! That worked in my favor.
Yesterday I also psyched myself into thinking I've already lost weight. My pants seemed to button with little effort...I think it's all in my mind because it'd only been 3 days. I just try to keep in mind that I'm doing this all for a baby.
Day 4....away we go!
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Worry of the day...
...Jen. I worry about her sometimes...okay, all of the time. She seems really down right now and I don't know what is wrong. When I ask, she says she's tired. I know she's had a crazy week so far with the fallout from staying open during a storm, a meeting in a Augusta, 2 meetings in Portland. Still, she's made mention to me and Ann that she's not happy with her job. I asked her if she regrets moving to Ellsworth. She said sometimes. That made my heart drop. I hate seeing her like this...it breaks my heart. I love her so much and I love the happy her. We had an amazing 3 days at home together and we never even argued once. Not that we are arguing now, but that tention is there and I don't like living like that. I wish I could make things better. I think we both need a change....career change, living situation change, a life makeover.
Jen said she was thinking about our wedding, when we get to have one. She was listening to the song "Yeah" and said it would be cool if we learned how to dance to it, like choreographed and had that as our first dance. I'm glad she's so positive about that happening because we could be in our 60s at the rate the country is going. NH assholes are looking to overturn their marriage law now!!!
Anyway, I'm sure I'm worrying about nothing...this too will pass.
Time for my focus of the day...Day 1: Eating Healthy, Day 2: Exercise.....Day 3...hmmm, I think today I need to focus on getting organized at school. I should take one day a week to do that. I have a meeting tonight, show choir starts next week, new music needs to be distributed for chorus and band...need to take a little time to get that together.
Happy Hump Day everyone!
Jen said she was thinking about our wedding, when we get to have one. She was listening to the song "Yeah" and said it would be cool if we learned how to dance to it, like choreographed and had that as our first dance. I'm glad she's so positive about that happening because we could be in our 60s at the rate the country is going. NH assholes are looking to overturn their marriage law now!!!
Anyway, I'm sure I'm worrying about nothing...this too will pass.
Time for my focus of the day...Day 1: Eating Healthy, Day 2: Exercise.....Day 3...hmmm, I think today I need to focus on getting organized at school. I should take one day a week to do that. I have a meeting tonight, show choir starts next week, new music needs to be distributed for chorus and band...need to take a little time to get that together.
Happy Hump Day everyone!
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
The more I think about it...
...the more excited and scared I get. I can't obsess though, I have to take one day at a time. I have to focus on what needs to be done now, so we can do what needs to be done down the road so we can have what we want in the end.
Now...get healthy, save money, and get our affairs in order.
Down the road...doctor's appointment, insemination (1, 2, 3, 10 times???)
End result...a baby!!!
Still, my mind starts bouncing all around and I wonder if and when, how much will it cost. I wish I could share this with Jen but I know she's not a master worrier like me.
That's why I say...one day at a time. Yesterday's focus was eating healthy, today's will be exercise. My first session in months...I need to get back into a routine. As much as it sucked, I saw results and others did to!
Now...get healthy, save money, and get our affairs in order.
Down the road...doctor's appointment, insemination (1, 2, 3, 10 times???)
End result...a baby!!!
Still, my mind starts bouncing all around and I wonder if and when, how much will it cost. I wish I could share this with Jen but I know she's not a master worrier like me.
That's why I say...one day at a time. Yesterday's focus was eating healthy, today's will be exercise. My first session in months...I need to get back into a routine. As much as it sucked, I saw results and others did to!
Let's Get Pregnant in 2010!!!!
That's what Jen called it last night "I'm going to make it my facebook status". Even though it's day 4, for me it's day 1...something OCD about me starting on a Monday.
The first step in getting pregnant is losing weight. I'm not even really worried about the number I get down to, or the size I'll wear, it's getting healthy that I truly am concerned with. Day 1 went well...I'll follow up later with my Food Journal in the next blog.
If I spend the next 6 months getting healthy, tracking my cycle, and saving money, then this summer we can focus on insemination. We ARE going to do it this time. I want this more than ever!!!
If I spend the next 6 months getting healthy, tracking my cycle, and saving money, then this summer we can focus on insemination. We ARE going to do it this time. I want this more than ever!!!
Lazy ass....
So after days of being "snowed in" it was nice to get back into a routine. Saturday it snowed and snowed and we were prepared with munchies, meals, video games, blankets and sweats. I played DS, went on Facebook, watched a stupid movie with Jen. She played Bioshock and more Bioshock. We weren't tired...stayed downstairs until 11:30 then moved upstairs and still didn't get to sleep until after 1:00....hee hee!
Sunday's clean-up was much better than we thought. We went right out, cleaned and moved the cars, Stan was here within 20 minutes. He cleaned us out and we were done clean-up for the day! We played video games, watched New Years Eve videos and laughed our asses off. I made a dog bed for Bruschi, Jen made wings and ribs for the game...mmm, good! Jen made it through 1/2 of the game then went to take a nap. I played around the flip videos more then got caught up in CSI.
It's back to work, a routine, a good thing. Tomorrow also begins our goal for the new year...by this time next year...
Sunday's clean-up was much better than we thought. We went right out, cleaned and moved the cars, Stan was here within 20 minutes. He cleaned us out and we were done clean-up for the day! We played video games, watched New Years Eve videos and laughed our asses off. I made a dog bed for Bruschi, Jen made wings and ribs for the game...mmm, good! Jen made it through 1/2 of the game then went to take a nap. I played around the flip videos more then got caught up in CSI.
It's back to work, a routine, a good thing. Tomorrow also begins our goal for the new year...by this time next year...
Friday, January 1, 2010
1/1/10
We had an excellent time last night at City Park for karaoke and to ring in the New Year. It was just Ben & Marissa, Renee & Steve, and Jen & I but it was still a lot of fun. I didn't have a lot of luck with two of my karaoke songs....Lisa G took "Don't Stop Believin'" away from me AGAIN and Marissa took "U & UR Hand" away from me! At midnight we watched the ball drop in Times Square and had a champagne toast. It was a sweet moment! Got home around 1:30 and within 10 minutes decided it was time to go to bed.
We only slept until 7am this morning. We lounged around for a bit before heading out to Hannaford for supplies for the impending storm. Ben & Marissa were gone by the time we came home. Jen made us copypots and then we retreated to the living room for a Criminal Minds marathon. It wasn't long before we moved up to the bedroom for a nap. Well, the nap turned into the most intense sex we've had in a LONG time. God it felt good! We laid together a while longer, I dozed off until the power snapped on and off momentarily and woke me. We laid in bed and finished another episode of Criminal Minds before going back downstairs. Jen made us a snack of coldcuts. We tried to find something different on TV but there was nothing. We ordered Chinese food for supper...Jen waited quite impatiently...barking and meowing to annoy me! After that, she passed out on the couch while I watched even more Criminal Minds. What upsets me is that when they do a marathon, they often jump around and don't do the episodes in order...what happened to the dispatcher...gonna have to go online and investigate!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
We only slept until 7am this morning. We lounged around for a bit before heading out to Hannaford for supplies for the impending storm. Ben & Marissa were gone by the time we came home. Jen made us copypots and then we retreated to the living room for a Criminal Minds marathon. It wasn't long before we moved up to the bedroom for a nap. Well, the nap turned into the most intense sex we've had in a LONG time. God it felt good! We laid together a while longer, I dozed off until the power snapped on and off momentarily and woke me. We laid in bed and finished another episode of Criminal Minds before going back downstairs. Jen made us a snack of coldcuts. We tried to find something different on TV but there was nothing. We ordered Chinese food for supper...Jen waited quite impatiently...barking and meowing to annoy me! After that, she passed out on the couch while I watched even more Criminal Minds. What upsets me is that when they do a marathon, they often jump around and don't do the episodes in order...what happened to the dispatcher...gonna have to go online and investigate!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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